I’m the type that wants but doesn’t need you. I knew it along. I’ve tried for the longest because for once I actually cared enough to. I guess this time was actually a bad time to choose to give a fuck. This type of deal always happens. I’m the one always trying and quite frankly I’ve come to the point where there’s only so much I can do from here. So, I’m done. You’re doing you. You’re not giving a fuck. You’re not even sorry, as it seems. That leaves me no reason to be sorry either. I’m not gonna let you run all over my heart. I’m not your last resort or your second option. I wanna be one of your priorities cos you sure as hell know that you were one of mine. I really cared about you. I love you but I have to draw the line. I can’t keep chasing someone who doesn’t wanna be chased. I’m not your personal idiot.
Replacement Girl - Drake ft. Trey Songz
“Ladies make some noise if you wanna be my replacement..”
Still one of my favorites to this day.
I tried to speak of you. I tried to tell my own best friend what happened and I couldn’t even say your name without the tears welling up in my eyes and the sharp stabbing pain gnawing at my throat. It hurts. You accused me and then broke up with me without even giving me a reason. You don’t have a clue how much I love you. You don’t know what I’d do for you, how far I’d go for you, or what I’d be for you. A couple days ago, you asked me to quit smoking and I admit, I was hesitant about what was more important. You, or my addiction. In the end, I chose you. It’s only been 2 days since I’ve last had weed in my system and these 2 days for me has been incredibly hard, but you wanna know what keeps me committed to staying sober?
And now you go and break up with me. You ended things with no explanations, no questions, no ultimatums, not even a chance to defend myself. and here I thought I knew without a doubt that you loved me. Did you ever?
If it amounts up to anything. You’ll always have a place in my heart. You’ve left such an impression and your fingerprints on my heart and soul will forever change my core. I don’t regret a single moment of physical or mental intimacy. All I can say is that I love you and though I may love someone else in the future. You’ll have the satisfaction of saying that I have loved you first. I know I can’t hang on to tightly because I don’t want our beautiful memories together to turn into scars. That’s the last thing I want to happen
Can I just say that lately I’ve felt like I’m not good enough? I’ve felt like complete shit to you this past week and at the end of every single day I meditate on one question. Does she even care about me the way I care about her? And with that question so many possibilities branch out. By the sun rises again I find myself at the very beginning with the same fucking question and no answer.
The things between us are long gone. I don’t know why you took your time to seek me out to try to re-ignite those things. I was the one who fucked you over. I was the asshole that broke your heart and brushed you off like a sideline ho and I’m deeply sorry. I always knew I was a dick for what I did but now that we’re older I realize that I was a complete asshole. The kind of asshole that I now loathe myself. I know what I did to you was wrong and you deserve so much better. There are millions of girls out there, don’t come back for the asshole that took you for granted. I don’t deserve you and quite frankly my heart already belongs to someone else. I’m so sorry.
The sun glinted artfully off her eyes. Her smile effortlessly sending my heart into a rush. She made my knees weak and under her touch the pieces of me assembled. She was, with all of the innocence and eloquence of the word, beautiful. The way her smile drew me in. My heart like clay in her embrace, molding the way I involuntarily felt so strongly for her. In lack for better words, she was my soul mate. I knew at the first moment my body touched hers, as the warmth and the electricity and the passion enveloped my heart , that she was nothing short of extraordinary. She was the other part of me that people searched for most their lives, and she was here. Every inch and depth of her before me, and all mine.
They say I’m too young to know what Love is. I probably am, but you know what? I think I know enough about loss. I know too well what a lonely sun set and empty sunrise looks like. I know more than I should about how it feels to stay up all night feeling a longing in my heart for someone whom I can never touch, see, smell, or hear again. I have too many that are cold and dead, cut off from the human emotions of longing, hunger, or happiness. I know too much about loss, pain, and anger. Enough to wear I can put my 2 cents on love and every concept tied into it’s infinite structure.
Love is when I’m holding your face in my hands and I’m whispering the many reasons why I love you. Love is when you grab my hand when we’re walking through downtown. Love is the saved messages I have in my phone that make my heart skip a beat whenever I read them. Love is your smile on my screen when you’re telling me you miss me and we’re hundreds of miles away. Love is the tears I cried and the second chance I gave you when you fucked up. Love is the countless thoughts that go to you throughout my day. Love is this lump in my throat as I fight back tears of nostalgia. Love is when I’m listening to your heartbeat while you sing your songs. Love is when we live on opposite ends of the city and we do whatever it takes to see each other for just a few hours. Love is when I’m sitting at home waiting for you. Too afraid to leave my house because i don’t wanna miss your call or your txt. Love is staying up all night hoping I can skype you and fall asleep to your voice. Love is this stupidity I feel for missing you so much and I don’t even know if you feel the same way. Love is me taking the time to fill this txt box up with words that may probably mean nothing to you but mean so much to me.
I wonder if you’re thinking about me right now, and I feel stupid, because there’s a 50/50 chance that you do or don’t. If you ever get the chance to read this. I hope you know that you’ve taken my heart right out of my chest and I don’t have the balls to take it back.
I’m missing you so much, it hurts.
This one goes out to you
You are my heart, my one and only, and I cherish everything between the two of us. From the smiles, the giggles, the kisses, right down to the raspiness in our voices during our late night calls. I was single for 2 years before I met you but those 2 years of waiting were so worth it. Look at where I’m at now. Always smiling, laughing, happy, and most of all loved. All of that is possible because of you. I love you, so much. Though we have our differences and misunderstandings , at the end of the day I’m still yours and you’re mine. The fact that I can say that you’re mine makes me so happy. It’s like a wish come true and to think about it, you really are. Remember? I wished for you on 11:11 lolol I know I’m lame but it’s okay, you still love me right? I guess the point of this post is to tell you how much I appreciate you for who you are and what you are to me. And what you are to me is the greatest thing that fate has ever thrown at me. I wasn’t even looking when I found you but best believe that when I found you there was no turning back.
Before I go, I have a confession. Baby, I’m in love with you, too. Honestly the thought of it is scary to me. Love is uncertain, it always is, but I believe that with you next to me we can get through anything. “Today, Tomorrow, Forever” baby. I’m not letting go.
I’m always sad nowadays. So much shit in my life, mostly dealing with family. Inner conflict type of shit you know. I smoke it all off almost everyday, but lately i’m realizing that when i’m high, i’m still thinking about my problems. The only difference between thinking about it when i’m sober and thinking about it when i’m high is that when im high it’s easier to accept.
and im high right now and i don’t know if any of this shit made sense but okay.
I feel vulnerable
Theme made by Max davis.
A lot of bullshit went on today. Of all days though, it had to be this one. My mind’s all over the place and I’m feeling like no one cares. Honestly, I hate being up front with my feelings and emotions and so I’ll admit that because of that. I smoke weed to cover up how sad I am. When I get to that point of my high where I can’t stop smiling, everything seems more beautiful, and like nothing can go wrong. I never wanna leave it. I just wanna get higher and higher, because the stronger the high the lesser my problems seem to be. I have so many. Like for one, I’m always wondering if my dad really loves me. I feel like I’m always at the bottom of his priority list when it comes to my sisters and other things. When it comes to me needing something I always have to wait, work, or beg for it. Unlike my sisters or even his friends. One phone call and my pops is down for them. Some of my friends too. I honestly try so hard to make everyone happy, but it seems like I’m never gonna be good enough. Then there’s the bullshit everyone gives me about being young. They act like they’ve never been young before. They swear like they’ve never felt that fiening to do something that makes your heart rush, bring a good laugh, or even just to make a memory. I know that I’m in the wrong too. Leaving without saying anything, under-aged activities, not cooperating, but they need to see that I need more space than what they’re giving me now.
I don’t even know if I’m making any sense. I’m coming down from a high, my mind is wandering like crazy, and I just need a long, tight, and warm hug.